Intoxicated on Air
by flower on thewind
Summary: Two cold cups of coffee. Two tired figures. One ugly deadline. For all those who know how all-nighters and irritated partners feel, this story is for you. ONESHOT. A/U-ish. Sight Lightning/Noctis. Note: no chocobos were hurt in the making of this fic...


Disclaimer: I do not own ff13 or ffv13 in any way possible. It's still in development people!

Warnings: This fic is obviously A/U in some weird cross-over. Characters are definately OOC. Read with an open LightxNoctis, but it's not really explicit. Oh yeah, I also did a half*ss job editing... just in case people get annoyed.... I'm warning you here.

Dedicated: For all those who have experienced all-nighters and know the psychological and physical tourture they put us through. It is also for all those who have experienced group projects where members simply do not get along... but for some reason they make the best of teams. Please follow the different stages of insanity in this fic.

* * *

Two cold cups of coffee sat forgotten on the table among a mess of important documents.

Two tired figures hovered over the said mess in the dead of night.

One ugly deadline...

One sleep induced conversation…

Our story starts....

**Intoxicated on Air**

"…Next is Bill 242, that's the one concerning the increased number of Chocobos in the city," drawled the female with strawberry blonde hair. Her striking sky blue eyes glanced up for her partner's input. If one looked closely, a tired twitch irritated her right eye (which, by the way, was entirely bloodshot).

"The one proposing regulation on Gyshal Green sales?" Noctis inquired, rubbing his tired eyes. His hair looked even messier then usual, and he was beginning to develop a sour taste in his mouth.

"Yes, that's the one."

"I like that one. Put it in the pile for tomorrow's meeting" This caused Lightning to burst into sharp, hysterical laughter.

"Regulating Gyshal Greens are not going to stop the Chocobos from spawning like rabbits," she snapped.

"Oh _really_? And what do you suggest we do, miss I-need-to-disagree-with-**everything**?" Noctis spat. This had been going on ever since they started… which was a good eighteen hours ago. If one agreed with a proposal, the other would surely have something negative to say about it.

"I think the only Bill you need to consider on this matter was back at Bill 44: extermination of 50% of Chocobos via Chocobo-poison. It is quick, cheap, and efficient. I've said this many times at Bill 66, 104, 144, and 232." Her voice rose to a slightly hysterical level. "And I will probably repeat myself _again_ when we reach Bill V13and Bill 666 – if you ever decide to read ahead!"

"I will **not** slaughter the national animal in such an inhumane fashion!" he slammed his hands onto the table – causing a few documents to fly up into the air. "If you know _anything_ about politics, you will see that this idea of yours is political suicide! Not to mention the controversy it'll cause from the animal rights activists and the monsters rights union." A slightly crazy look has developed in his dark blue eyes… blue eyes that were slowly turning red – and it wasn't just from the lack of sleep.

"However, your _people_ are complaining about the issue enough to justify such an action." She roughly picked up a random pile of paper to emphasis her point. She didn't seem to care that she wrinkled a few unfortunate documents in the process. A mad twinkle suddenly caught her eye. "Or how about this: we round up these Chocobos and use them for military purposes! Hahaha! We can use them for target practice and then use the carcasses to feed your sorry looking army!"

Noctis only stared wide-eyed at the enraged person in front of him.

"I hear they taste just like chicken…" she added.

"You're crazy," was the deadpan response.

"And what if I am?" She challenged. _'What are you going to do about it?'_

Noctis sighed and sunk back into his luxurious leather chair. "I think we need a break. We're both so out of character… it must be the lack of sleep." (a/n: way to break the fourth-wall Noctis…)

Lightning made a disapproving grunt and motioned to grab her disgustingly cold coffee. "Sorry, your Highness, but you don't have time to waste on a break. Get back to work."

Noctis gave a small, mirthless laugh. "Sometimes I wonder who the _real_ ruler of this kingdom is: me or you?" He chuckled again while picking up yet another document.

Time passed by in relative silence. Occasionally Lightning would hear the former-prince-now-crowned-king hum something under his breath. It was annoying.

"Stop that." She snapped when she couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop what?" He asked genuinely confused.

"Your mumbling – or is it humming? Argh, I don't care, just stop it."

Realization caused Noctis to grin stupidly. It made Lightning a little nervous…in a very strange way. She'd never admit it of course. "Ah sorry… I didn't realize! I'll try not to do it again!" He sang cheerfully. That's right. Sang. Cheerfully.

"…" Lightning starred at him suspiciously.

"…Is there anything else I can do for you?" He tilted his head questioningly. The strange grin still plastered on his face.

"Er… no…." She admitted. His grin grew wider, and Lightning felt that she just walked into a trap. With that they fell again into silence. Lightning tried to immerse herself in reading – keyword: tried. She found herself hyper-conscious of everything around her… particularly the person in front of her…

Suddenly she heard it again. A quiet, cheerful tune attacked her over-sensitive hearing. Her head automatically snapped up to glare at the offender.

"Hm?" He gave her a questioning looked that seemed way too innocent to be natural. Her glare intensified by ten-fold. _'He's playing with me…'_

Lightning didn't even bother to give a response. She went back to blankly staring at yet another long trade report concerning Gyshal Greens… and when she almost was able to muster enough focus to actually read the report, another soft tune assaulted her ears.

This time, she ignored him.

Noctis frowned and tried humming a little louder.

Still nothing.

Next, Noctis tried humming AND tapping his pen rather annoyingly.

Response: a small twitch in her pen hand…

'_Ah, we're getting somewhere.' _Noctis thought. Satisfied, he was now able to get back to work – or so he thought.

"Sir, I'm done sorting through these files." Lightning informed. Her counterattack begins now. "These reports need to be checked by you." She hauled a stack of paper that was as thick as three heavy text-books and slammed it in front of him. "And these need your signature." She patted the pile of paper to her right. That one looked about double the size of the first pile! "And these…" She indicated a stack of files to her left. It was even larger then the last one! "These are 75% sorted and as soon as I'm finished,_ you_ will have to file them as I do not have access to those file cabinets." A barely polite – almost-bordering-sadistic- smile graced her plush lips.

"…w-why thank you for your diligent work," and returned her sadistic smile with a practiced sweet smile of his own. "You work faster then I expected…"

"Don't underestimate me." She grinned cockily.

"Oh, trust me… I won't make that mistake again." A small twitch formed under his left eye. Lightning felt the hairs jump on the back of her neck… this was not good. "Since you proved yourself to be _oh so_ capable, I think I can trust you enough to file those when you finish sorting them." Lightning felt her jaw go slack. "Furthermore, when you finish that, I'd like you to tackle the files on the floor behind you." She turned to see stacks of portfolios even larger then the ones beside her. "And then…you can get back to me for further instructions." Noctis smiled innocently.

"You," Lightning growled. She was tired and she was cranky. Screw formalities, the gloves were off! "You are such a two-faced, _arrogant_ ass!" Noctis' shit-eating grin never faltered. "How the hell can you sit there, smiling that shitty smile of yours while you spew the words of the devil!?" The crazed look was in her eye again. She was now officially running on adrenaline to keep her awake – god she wanted sleep so bad…

Noctis' smile wavered a fraction. Maybe he had pushed her too far? Guilt began to pool in his stomach… yes he was tired and wanted a distraction… but he didn't mean it to go this far…Damn sleep deprivation… it made him a sadistic bastard.

"You **sadistic** bastard!" She finished, feeling a lot better calling him ever insult she knew. Noctis gave her a startled look.

Lightning sighed and readied herself to receive an equal rant of unpleasant things to be said about her… however, it never came. Instead, her ears were met with a bark of laughter…

Noctis laughed at the irony…

Lightning was lost in translation,

And reality as we knew it came to an end

"Oh nooo! You discovered my _deep_, **dark** secret!" Noctis melodramatically put his hand to his forehead and rolled his eyes. "It is true; I **am** an evil bastard at heart! What will I tell my subjects? Oh no, my public image will be ruined! I shall lose fangirls! Aaah! " He ended it with a girly shriek.

Lightning could only stare. Noctis began to sweat. 'Uh…well… if I'm going down, I might as well go down all the way.'

"Yes, 'tis true. I really am the spawn of Satan and the Goddess herself! Hence my oh-so-charming good looks, sex appeal, and evil nature are really just god's gifts to me. I simply cannot help it!" For good measure, he decided to dramatically brush a hand through his bangs for an added effect.

It must have been the lack of sleep. It had to be… because Lightning laughed out loud. A real, genuine, honest-to-goodness laugh.

"Uh…" Noctis stopped acting and stared at the odd phenomenon in front of him. It was strangely…mesmerizing – in a strange way. A timid blush crept onto his fair cheeks.

"What…the…hell…is…wrong…with you?" Lightning chuckled while trying to calm herself. Noctis' blush wasn't so timid anymore…"Sex appeal-" she burst out into another fit of laughter.

"H-hey! Stop that." He protested weakly. It wasn't really THAT funny… was it? Was she laughing because she believed he didn't have any sex appeal whatsoever? The thought left his stomach in knots. B-but he did have sex appeal, damnit! It even said so in the media… maybe… maybe the media was wrong… Maybe he wasn't as sexy as he thought he was… His irrational thoughts about his image continued to spiral downward. An invisible black cloud of gloom sat above his head. Feeling self-conscious with his pride bruised, Noctis frowned.

"S-sorry." Lightning said finally calming down. "Your hidden quirks were unexpected."

"Yeah…I guess…" Noctis mumbled.

Lightning felt the change of atmosphere. If the curt reply wasn't enough, his body language was. Noctis hid himself behind the piles of paper. He double-checked, organized, and reorganized the documents. It was almost robotic…

'_Did I offend him?'_ she wondered. Her gaze lingered on him a little longer then was comfortable. Shaking herself out of her stupor, she looked at the stacks of files behind her and groaned internally. There were so many!

Suddenly it dawned on her that her share files didn't even compare to the stacks on Noctis' side. Her eyes widen in realization… Noctis still kept the brunt of the work for himself.

For some reason, that annoyed Lightning very much…

Feeling awkward and guilty, she turned back to the document in front of her… Bill V13… it proposed the reduction of Chocobos by way of exterminating the eggs…

She hesitated.

Best save that for later… She had to finish her half of the work before she could attempt Noctis'.

It was the wee hours in the morning… just before dawn. Noctis looked across at the almost dead figure in front of him. He felt just a little guilty... it wasn't like she was obligated to help him…

* * *

Almost twenty-four hours ago, Lightning had come into his office to hand him some trade reports between his kingdom and the smaller communities in Pulse. She found him almost buried by the heaping stacks of paper that were literally all around him.

"…Busy, huh?" was her odd greeting. Usually she would have been cuttingly clear and to the point, but today she decided to show mercy on him.

Noctis looked up between the tax-cuts pile and a random, unsorted pile. "Obviously," he muttered before looking away uneasily. She left the reports somewhere on the far right corner of his desk… though it was probably lost a few seconds later.

Needless to say… Noctis Lucis Caelum looked pitiful.

_**Hook**_

Lightning hesitated. Despite popular belief, she was not a cold hearted bitch. She was just independent and practical…and apparently some people can't that that.

_**Line**_

"Do you need anything else?" Noctis asked while hiding behind the report he was reading. Lightning took one last look around the room and asked, "When do you need these done by?"

_**Sinker**_

"… In thirty-six hours…" Though the response sounded calm and composed, there was a slight pathetic-ness in his voice that screamed _'somebody help me!'_

"…how can I help?"

And with that, Lightning was caught in Noctis' hell…

* * *

"You don't have to…stay anymore." He said in a drained voice.

"No… You'll never get this done by yourself." Her voice sounded so flat… so unlike her usual sharp responses. It was like neither of them had any soul left in their bodies… they were just continuing on by sheer will… like zombies.

"That's my problem. It's not in your job description to do this." He moved the current file to the pile on his left… he prayed to the Goddess that it was the right pile.

Lightning tiredly jotted down some notes while answering"…When I accepted your offer to become your Military Advisor… I became a member of your government… that means I am obligated to serve under you in any way possible…" She mildly realized halfway through her answer that she had no clue what she was saying… her focus was just not there.

Noctis stopped and stared with glazed eyes at Lightning. She stared back, unable to read his emotions.

"…Is that the reason why you're doing this?" he asked quietly.

For some reason another burst of wakefulness assaulted him. Perhaps his earlier irrational concerns held some truth… perhaps Lightning wouldn't do something so kind without some sort of formal reasoning. Something heavy weighed down in his stomach… Irrational feelings bubbled within him again. He could not accept her help under those circumstances – his… pride refused it.

"…uh…?" Lightning blinked to clear her head. Obviously Noctis was asking a serious question which demanded a coherent mind. The first thing she noticed was the troubled expression that graced Noctis' features.

"You are not obligated to do any such thing for me. Please…leave and get some sleep. I'll be fine from here onwards…"

Wait – what?

Suddenly she was very much awake as well.

All Lightning could do was stare dumbfounded at the person who she spent the last twenty-four hours with. All those hours of blood, sweat, and arguing with this man…all the pain and suffering…and this man thought he could brush it all away and **order** her to leave? Was it all for **nothing**? It wasn't even **finished** yet! Furthermore, what made him think he could order her around like that!? Just what was he trying to prove? Oh yeah, Lightning was pissed.

Her eyes narrowed and she threw her pen down to make a statement.

"No." She said defiantly.

"I-I assure you that there is no need to feel obligated to help me. Technically you're not even under my rule, you know. You are-"

"Oh, just shut up and get back to work, Noctis. I know very well that I don't have to listen to you. Tch, just because you're the damn ruler of this country doesn't mean your fancy words will work on me. You are going to sit down and get back to work and I am going to stay here to help you. End of discussion."

"But…what king am I if I cannot do my duties by myself?" Noctis' eyes darted to the side… as if to escape her authority. Lightning silently wondered if it was okay for a King to have such a weak personality…

"My people rely on my ability to keep my country in order. If I can't-"

"A king does not keep his country in order by himself." Lightning countered heatedly. "Look, I'm… helping you because I want to." She admitted in a softer tone. There was a moment of silence as her words sunk in.

Lightning became agitated from being furious with herself. She grabbed her pen again and furiously resumed writing. She hoped to the Goddess that the flush on her face was because she was angry…

Noctis was confused….that or his brain was too slow… it was probably the latter because he swore Lightning said… no it was his imagination. He was delusional! That's it.

"…But… that contradicts your earlier answer. I don't -"

"Well then, ignore my answer earlier," she gritted out without looking up from her work. This conversation was far too embarrassing to be happening. Noctis raised an eyebrow

"So… wait… that means you really said…" He trailed off trying to remember her words exactly… it was so profound! Lightning bit her lip to prevent herself from screaming in frustration. How slow can he be?

"I wanted to help you?" She quipped. Hoping to return back to business, she did a mental check of the documents left on the table…

"But… how can you say – no one can "_want"_ to stay up for thirty-six painful hours of bureaucratic hell… because… you just…you're not a masochist are you?"

Lightning slapped her hand into her face. Really… the Crystals must hate her…

"Look, I just wanted to help you. That's _all_" She shoved a paper in front of him for him to work on… hopefully that'll shut him up.

Noctis was sure his brain stopped working now. Lightning of all people… wanted to help him… just for the sake of it? Absentmindedly, he picked up his pen to work on the paper in front of him. His mind was still slowly processing…everything.

"You're crazy." He concluded.

"Not as crazy as you. You just approved the legalization of child pornography!"

Noctis' looked down at the document in his hand and sure enough, he just signed and approved the circulation of child pornography in his kingdom.

"Oh shit."

Lightning sighed and felt her massive headache turn into a migraine. "After this, I believe I should be promoted as your General Advisor. You're hopeless…" Noctis gave her a dirty look.

"You're aiming for the throne, aren't you? You gold digger…"

Lightning snorted and rolled her eyes. "You're not proposing to me are you?"

Noctis looked at the desk which was surprisingly organized. All the files were ordered, the documents needed for the meeting was neatly gathered… everything else was in its place – except for Bill V13, which they still needed to discuss about. He was astonished to see the dark mahogany wood of his desk. Noctis looked at the clock and realized they even finished early! He might even have time for a five hour power nap before the meeting. His eyes then fell to the person who helped him make this happen. His expression was a sort of glazed awe – of seeing but disbelieving.

"…What if I am?" he mused out loud.

Lightning stopped and looked at him with an expressionless face.

"Proposing?"

Noctis nodded.

"That better be sleep deprivation talking there..."

"…We make a good team." He mused again while double-checking some of her work.

"It's sleep deprivation for sure…" She muttered while handing him Bill V13. "You decide about the stupid Chocobo issue. I- I think I'm passing out… G'night."

With that she lowered her head onto his desk and promptly fell asleep.

Noctis blankly looked at the Bill. "You know what? I think I liked your target practice idea…They do taste like chicken" Seconds later, he too passed out from exhaustion.

Hours later, a blonde haired man with glasses headed to the royal office to warn Noctis that the meeting will be postponed due to the inability of other government delegates to finish their own assessments by the deadline. He shuddered remembering the state of some… twitching in their chair… foaming at the mouth… hopefully his Highness was okay… Silently he berated himself for being so inattentive to his king's needs.

He entered with a feeling of dread, but was met with awe.

He gazed in wonder as he saw neat piles of paper, stacked and organized, around Noctis' office. In the center lay two sleeping figures passed out on the office table.

* * *

A/N: I can't believe I wrote this... much less uploading it. It started off as an experiment, really. It started off with "omg, I can't wait for ff13 and ff13v to come out already!" which led to me thinking "hmm I wonder what the main characters are going to be like..." and then finally... "geez, I'm bored of watching trailers 15432346432 times! I need something new!" ... then this unexpected child of mine happened in the dead of night. Haha, I can't help thinking "You have other fics that have been waiting years to finish... why are you doing this?" I really have... no good answer.

Honestly I started this to see how badly I'd mash up their personalities... I actually tried to get them as "in character" as I think they would be... I don't I got it right... But hey,the situation calls for them to be a little out of character... so I believe I'm excused XD. If you want to spaz about how awesome these games are going to be, or want to share you own experiences of evil all nighters for stupid term papers... I'd love to here it! All you need to do is review!


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